What Do You Do ?

Allow me to share a small highlight. Last Friday we held our year-opener dinner for the local coaching chapter of which I am a member. It is my second gathering with this group that I refer to as my covid family. I became a certified coach during the pandemic and the interactions with members of the International Coaching Federation – Kenya chapter has been invaluable. Zoom became our Java as we met there every other day sometimes more than once a day to learn, share and interact. We even held our 2020 end-of-year dinner virtually. At least the food was real hehe.  At that fragile time, coaching and being with fellow coaches gave me something to hang on to. Those were dark times mentally. Being in pajamas the whole day started becoming depressing.  Asanteni ICF – Kenya for being the torch into the future at a very dark time for humanity.

I happened to chair the elections committee last year so it was my duty to introduce the new board. Our new president for the chapter stood up to give his maiden speech and he surprised me. He spoke about how my article posted earlier that day had inspired him. It was about my word for the year and he went on to give snippets of it that stood out for him. I’m always delighted with such feedback. It is why I write. To help people live meaningful lives.

We were later asked by the MC to mingle and talk to someone we haven’t met before. I met this lady who asked me, “so besides coaching what do you do?”  Maybe she was wondering if I am a storyteller after the chapter president’s remarks or a coach.

I went on to tell her that I am four things. The halftime process helped me discover that we have two kinds of people. Focus people and portfolio people. Focus people do one thing well and are known for that thing only. Portfolio people do a few things well and are known for those few things they do. They tend to have more than one sphere of influence. I consider myself a portfolio person because coaching, public service, photography, and storytelling all make up work I enjoy. My new coach friend seemed perplexed at my response to her question.

What we do is a question that’s hard to answer when we are going through transitions. Yet society quietly demands we be clear on that. Nature abhors a vacuum. Maybe that’s why there is pressure to be clear on what we do. So we fumble to put together an intelligent response. That’s been a challenge for me since leaving my events business. Many a time I have lost people trying to summarise what I do. It’s tiring and often leads to self-doubt.

What we do often defines who we are. Especially for men, our weight in society is often measured by the positions we occupy and the power that comes with it. It is even more difficult to explain what we do if it doesn’t fall into the usual common categories like financial, medical, educational, or IT.  Trying to describe that I am a transition coach has often left me thirsty from talking. First of all, coaching is understood by very few. I was once asked if I’m a football coach hehe.

The Halftime process and the transition that follows have freed me and others I know from the pressure to define clearly what we do. From your 40s and beyond One gets to appreciate that you are separate from your job or title. My buddy once shared a Ted talk on answering what is it that we do. I don’t recall most of it but what stood out was that the answer to the what we do question should be guided by what we value and enjoy doing in our current season.

That got me attempting to construct the ideal answer to that most irritating question. I realised that how we answer that question could be a bridge to the opportunities that we seek. Simplicity is key folks. The shorter the answer the more relatable and clear it is. I’m therefore learning to drop words like coach and halftime. Those come later.

When I think about my portfolio life and my personal mission statement, I can attempt to summarise what I do – I help people find and live meaningful lives. How’s that for a start folks? I think the answer to that question should just be a hook that leads to more conversation. Once you have the attention of your audience then you can explain further what it is that you do. But try to keep it short lest they get confused and lose interest.

Folks next time you are asked what you do and you aren’t sure because you may be in transition, it’s okay to say you are waiting for the answer to that question too. And at the present moment, you are taking stock of the journey you have taken so far and waiting to see what unfolds next. Even that is a sufficient answer. No pressure.

So what do you do?