When it comes to midlife manenos, there’s this guy I came across last year at the Online Coaching Summit 2024. Chip Conley runs the Modern Elder Academy (MEA) in the US, somewhere near Mexico. He calls it the world’s first midlife school. I need to visit that place. I’ve been consuming his wisdom since, and the various webinars and articles he produces, along with other folks navigating midlife. I particularly like how he describes guys my age who are neither teenagers nor seniors. We are modern elders. Love that tag kabisa.
This week, I came across a fascinating 6-minute exercise that Chip shared. He called it the Midlife Pathfinder Guide. It’s a quiz that helps someone in midlife uncover their hidden strengths and blind spots to maximise their midlife transition. Chip also introduced me to transitional intelligence (TQ), which is the next course on my radar. I’ve heard of IQ and even EQ — I recently got certified as a practitioner for emotional intelligence.
I was curious enough to take the quiz. I have taken similar assessments in the past, but this one was kidogo different. The report back described the 8 midlife paths: the seeker, heartkeeper, protector, impact maker, phoenix, sage, stormwalker and the lone wolf. My results revealed that I am both a phoenix and a sage. Let’s chambua what that means. And as we do that, allow me to invite you to take the quiz for yourself. Here’s the link.
Like many other assessments, the results are just a guide and not a description of who you are. There could be stuff you agree with and stuff you aren’t sure about. At halftime, we are evolving, so it’s better not to be fitted into a box. After all, it’s happened most of our lives so far. Here we have the liberty to explore without yet committing, and that’s what I like about doing such quizzes and assessments at this age. I have the permission to question, disregard, or adopt what I come across.
So I’m following the path of the phoenix. The phoenix is a mythical bird known for its cycle of death and rebirth, symbolising renewal and immortality. In a midlife context, I have shed a life that no longer serves me well, and now I am rising. I agree so far with the phoenix analogy. I like the part where the report says that I’m not starting over from scratch, I’m starting over from experience. And even if we don’t have all our ducks in a row, the ones we have are already beginning to fly..
Folks, for those of you who will be a phoenix like me, may we be encouraged by the African proverb: ‘wood already touched by fire is not hard to set alight.’ We have been burned, if not by the time we get to halftime, then by halftime itself in all its messy process. So, being set alight again to live a life of significance won’t be hard because we are not wet wood. I pray that keeps you going through your transition with hope and diligence. You are closer than you feel or see.
The inner compass of the Phoenix points to deep, courageous transformation. You’re not rebuilding for appearances; you are building from the inside out. Image has little value here. It’s what’s forming and growing on the inside. I meet half-timers trapped in the image prison, and it’s sad, especially for chaps. Deep down, we know that time’s up for our current season and we need to move on, but we fear not having an identity or losing one that has served us well for a long time. Loss of identity is one of the blind spots that a phoenix is bound to encounter.
For some reason, I was eager to shed mine and move on, but I must admit it was awkward interacting with folks during my transition, and having to answer that irritating question, “What do you do nowadays?” Humans are ill-equipped to be in a place of nothingness, but we have to linger there for a while as the formatting is completed for the next season.
A phoenix has some strengths, too, one of which is a visionary spirit. We are willing to imagine a life shaped by soul and not obligation. That now explains why I took up nature photography, writing, and even coaching. It is what fed my spirit, not what I was required to do. My fellow phoenixes and halftimers, it’s time to explore those childhood hobbies and dreams that lit you up and continue to haunt you in adulthood because you have put a cap on them. Lift the lid in your own way and explore what could be. Why remain with talents and passions that are of no use? You will have a lot of explaining to do to your maker if they are just gathering dust in the basement of your heart and mind.
We are resilient and brave like a phoenix, so we have what it takes to rise. We have faced hard truths and are still here. Some of us may be limping, but we are still going. Key strategies for thriving in midlife as a phoenix are: let go of timelines. Reinvention will take as long as it wants, so don’t rush it. You will only get more frustrated. Focus on what’s life-giving — follow the energy, not expectations. I have enjoyed that a lot.
Thirdly, name what’s ended and honour it with compassion and honesty. Oftentimes, we overstay our welcome in a season that’s over, because we are not sure that we need to close chapters of our lives to make way for others to begin. Unfinished business tends to sabotage new beginnings.
There are more gems to mine from the quiz, so I hope I have whetted your appetite sufficiently to consider spending 6 minutes on the quiz. For the phoenix in the house, our mantra according to this pathfinder guide is:
I am not who I was – and I’m not yet who I’m becoming. I trust the fire to shape me.
Let’s explore the sage next week.
Nice read