Helpless State.

I have a friend whose WhatsApp status reads, ‘addicted to self-improvement.’ I admire that because it has a ring of not settling. Mummy shark recently reminded me that if we are to have a grade A business, we must also strive for an A in the people we work with and the outputs delivered. Sometimes we let things slide in the name of accommodation. People must be going through stuff, so let’s cut them (and ourselves) some slack. There is a place for that, but I often struggle to draw the line between genuine slack and folks just slackening in their commitments or follow-through. I think one way to handle that is by holding ourselves to a higher standard, seeking to come close to A as much as we can.

Here in my beloved +254, many of us feel helpless. Things are dire, and Kenyans are an angry (and hungry) lot. As a result, we resort to endless analysis of politics and the state of the nation. You will find gatherings from the roadside to office boardrooms, and the agenda is similar, if not the same—siasa. I often find myself in those conversations, but I’m working hard to break free from them. Whenever I engage and vent about the country, I dislike the feeling I am left with: a sense of hopelessness, as if my fate has been sealed. It’s quite disenfranchising. I’m slowly shifting my mindset to believe that people are thriving legitimately in this same economy, and there is no reason why we can’t be part of that lot too.

And that’s where my self-improvement attempt shows up. One way is by seeking out friendships with people who are doing good stuff and having a good time doing it, while still in this country that many of us complain about. They have chosen to win and not whine. One such relation is with my recent mwalimu, who certified me to be an emotional intelligence practitioner. We met over the long Easter break for breakfast and to catch up on a few things we are doing together. she’s a small lady with a huge presence, doing huge work too. That’s what drew me to her. Solid people are hard to miss. They work hard in silence, then success makes the noise for them. When we surround ourselves with people above us, it becomes easier to climb out of the pit of helplessness

She made a statement that left me buzzing as she coached me over breakfast. There are no helpless people, just a helpless state. She made that assertion as we looked at various coaching disciplines. Many Kenyans and people around the world are feeling helpless when confronted with problems that seem too big to solve. It’s as if we are being swallowed up by difficult life situations that keep coming at us fast and furious. It can become overwhelming, even for the strongest among us.

But that said, are we helpless or simply in a helpless state? We need to look deep within ourselves and gain clarity on where we stand. People, circumstances, and our past may have told us repeatedly that we are helpless. This could be due to a failure of one sort or another. Once we believe that we are of little or no value, the world confirms that belief, and our goose gets cooked. And we are the goose in this scenario, destined to be consumed by life and others. Folks, please remember that in this life, if you are not at the table, then you are on the menu.

May Sir God help us rise to the point of refusing that we are helpless. That we qualify to be at the table where we can take back control of our destiny and even help others get to theirs. We will not solve all the world’s problems, but we can start solving problems of our personal (internal) world.

So next time you feel helpless, please remember that there are no helpless people, only a helpless state. With that, seek to emerge from that state into a better one. One way to do this is by identifying something, however small, that you can start doing to climb out of the pit of helplessness. Coaching can help here, too. Find something that will get you moving, for the miracle is in the moving. Action is the dawa that melts the ice of helplessness. To leave a helpless state, we must move. This could mean changing deep beliefs and assumptions we have held for a long time, or even physically moving from where we are to a place that will serve us better.

I remember a pal of mine who left Nairobi for Kilifi some years back. He is now living a life that was only in his dreams while here in the big city in the sun. He may have been in the big city, but there was no sunshine in his life back then. The only big thing could have been his state of helplessness. Whatever it is, please find it and act. We are not helpless individuals, and we refuse to remain in a helpless state.