American entrepreneur and record executive, Russel Simmons said, “If you wake up deciding what you want to give versus what you’re going to get, you become a more successful person. In other words, if you want to make money, you have to help someone else make money”.
That doesn’t come naturally to many. Our default setting is to work on getting and then give at our convenience. One of my favourite quotes similar to Russell’s is, “If you want to lift yourself lift someone else”. I found myself generous initially with money but over the last decade more with time. Time has been the currency at my disposal in my mid-life years. I have spent it by investing in folks through writing here, coaching and contributing to events that I find meaningful. I have also spent tonnes of time on myself and that has been an investment that’s still paying mob dividends. Although I do wonder sometimes if I’m using that outlook as an excuse not to be generous financially.
I’m still trying to figure out my balance on the matter of giving both time and money. I have recently started a ka habit I hope will address that. Contracting with Fundis. Last week I was in my favourite small town to do some work on the farm. It was an exciting and meaningful time because it reinforced my connection with Nanyuki. I have desired to put up something on that shamba for a long time and this was the beginning of that. We planted trees this year and they’ve become like my pets hehe. I pray for them and nurture them as much as I can. I can’t wait for them to grow and provide shade for us.
I spent all my time in the shamba last week with fundis. We would visit hardware shops in town and timber yards to buy materials. I made friends in most of the shops I visited. I think it’s because I was in a good mood being in a place I love. Sometimes the best version of ourselves emerges when we are in our happy place. In addition to that, I put into practice what I’ve been learning in my emotional intelligence certification. The EI mantra says, “The way we show up determines the way people feel and the way they feel determines the extent to which they can engage, and that determines everything about the outcome of that relationship”.
We can assume I showed up well because most people chose to engage with me. I made a few friends and for that I’m glad. Just like in any project we had to negotiate with the fundis. It is in our culture as Kenyans. I think the only places we don’t negotiate are the supermarkets and the fuel stations. I started negotiating with the fundis as is the norm before work began then I caught myself. The savings I’d have made from paying them less would have been inconsequential to me yet a big margin for them. So as uncomfortable as it was I agreed to pay them the rate they asked for. I know one can easily get taken advantage of but I took my chances and I’m glad I did.
After the job was done and I was preparing to come back home on Sunday, I passed by the farm one more time. I was satisfied with the work we had done and felt like I paid a fair price for the value given. I do think people tend to give more when they are paid what they feel is the value of their work. However, it doesn’t always play out that way, unfortunately. I’m sure we all have a story of being conned by people at work and losing money.
In my case last week, I think another concept I learned from the emotional intelligence course was evident. I feel we all went the extra mile at the farm aka discretionary effort. It is the level of effort people could give if they wanted to, but above and beyond the minimum required.
Is discretionary effort tied to compensation? I think it is because I witnessed it last week. Oftentimes we give more when we feel valued but also when doing what we enjoy and are good at. I chose to be generous and paid folks what they asked for. It felt good to reward them for good work. Maybe the trick is to find that balance but also have the wisdom to know when we are being set up to be played. And we can only learn that on the job.
Life gets better when we give more than the minimum required. And that’s likely to happen when we are motivated by more than just money but by the desire to help people around us find and live more meaningful lives. I didn’t drive back feeling like I’ve exploited those guys or like I’ve been taken advantage of. And should our kindness be abused and we pay much for a lousy job then that’s where Sir God comes in. He will restore what the locusts have eaten, the Good Book says.
The highlight of my time at the farm was the mountain. She too unleashed some discretionary effort and showed up for a few days. It was a moment of deep joy being at the shamba and seeing her looking down on us. Felt like we could almost touch her. Can’t wait to have a cottage there and wake up to that sight every morning. Maybe if I finyad (drove a hard bargain) my fundis too much the mountain wouldn’t have put in the effort to show up hehe. I guess all things work together for good if we are good to ourselves and others too.
“The way we show up determines how people feel and how they feel determined the extent to which they engage with us”.
For with the measure you deal out (with the measure you use when you confer benefits on others), it will be measured back to you. This a truth found also in God’s Word.
Thanks Lucas for that reminder to show up for others how we want others showing up for us.
Baraka tele.
I have finally found my kindred spirit. Your words inspire and build… so don’t stop writing, your words echo many conversations running in many people’s heads up here. So Thank you for your kind words and your strong sense of purpose… I know that this path I am on is not a mad one. Someone has walked it ahead of me… and is somehow making this work. Men Prioritizing themselves over everything and everyone else seems to be a foreign concept. Is it because we are always expected to be the providers? Just a thought. I have learned to be kinder to myself and allow myself the grace to fail without fear. We also need to learn to put our cards on the table so that when the tally is done at the end of any interaction, your point of view will be considered. Don’t just sit on the sidelines assuming that people know you, what you do, or what irks your psyche. #ShowUp by declaring who you are… Enough Said. This was a good read!
I’ve had a few interactions with this man and all I can say is that he is fun and full of wisdom.
I’m always excited to read your articles and I always look forward to them because in each I learn something or I’m reminded of something my tiny big brain had hidden for a while.
“The way we show up determines the way people feel and the way they feel determines the extent to which they can engage, and that determines everything about the outcome of that relationship” = very powerful and truly an every day remind. Asante sana
It’s always refreshing to read your blogs! Coincidentally, I am “silently” walking the same journey with you, but you bring out the nuggets and lessons learned in a way I couldn’t. Keep dropping wisdom, and these subtle nuggets will continue to leave a lasting impression on us. Kudos!
Always refreshing to read your articles Lucas. I can relate on the fundis part and nothing is so satisfying than a job well done!