Tragic Flaw.

Halftime, the process as well as the program remain the most difficult yet impactful experiences I have gone through in my 40s. It was like going to the doctor to get jabbed severally in my backside. It is very painful but then after full recovery, I send him a thank you note. I often warn my halftime clients that it’s a messy process trying to find one’s true north for the second half of their lives but well worth it. It’s more like archaeology. You have to keep digging into your past, your current situation, and the nameless yearnings that haunt you.

A quick word of advice here. Do not dismiss, numb, or deny that smoldering discontent. Invite it for a meeting, question it, and interrogate those thoughts and emotions until some clues start floating to the surface. For they will surely rise above but only if you stay there long enough. And hapo ndio iko shida. Many of us are poor at waiting especially when nothing seems to be happening. We are used (more like addicted) to action, results, and movement and that doesn’t auger well with transitions. They are mostly slow and weird. The more nothing seems to be happening, the more things are happening chini ya maji but only if we permit nothing to cook.

And that’s where our tragic flaws come in. Google defines it as a flaw in character that brings about the downfall of the hero of a tragedy. Transitions tend to easily expose our tragic flaws because we are at war with opposing forces. On one side is our conditioning to work hard, be ambitious, and successful in the eyes of the world. On the other hand, there is the tendency to suppress or altogether ignore the price we are paying for the excesses we seek. Initially, we may keep it undercover but with time it will lipuka. The Aspen Times gazeti has on its front page every day “If you don’t want to see it in print, don’t let it happen” Folks what would you not like to see in print? Let’s attend to our tragic flaws before they get printed.

I wonder if this is what the Good Book calls a thorn in our flesh. That we were each created with that one thing that will be our weakness or discomfort. Was it to keep us humble? or maybe remind us that we are mere mortals even when we experience runaway success.

I’m reading another book by one of my favorite authors, Bob Buford, – Beyond Halftime. That’s where I came across the term tragic flaw. It made me check myself despite the uncomfortable feeling that I may not like what I find. Bob has given a story of two successful pastors with thriving congregations. They are admired and loved by many but their success becomes a drug. So much so that one of them resorts to prescription drugs to keep the momentum going. Sooner or later that pressure catches up with them. Their tragic flaw of being unwilling to admit their limitations and acknowledge their need for others brings them crashing down. Folks, Superman is only found in the movies. It helps a great deal to be aware of our flaws

We often forget that we are created with all we need to be all we can. Yet we go shopping for extra that is not ours. I think our flaws are meant to enhance our self-awareness and management. We ignore them at our peril. Authenticity goes a long way in preventing our flaws from getting tragic. Many people find it necessary to be one person in one place and another person in a different setting. And that may be necessary sometimes but we should keep it at a minimum. Be you because the world needs the real you. That way we accept our flaws more easily and deal with them early as a result.

A pal recently quit his job because he couldn’t handle the siasa. He’s a great guy and quite dependable. That company was lucky to have him in my view. It’s their loss. But he suddenly parted ways with his employer. When inquiring what happened he admitted without a struggle that his naivety may have gotten the better part of him. His focus was fully on delivery and so he didn’t give much thought to stakeholder management aka politics of the place. That painted him in bad light to the troublemakers who made his stay untenable. So he will need to learn how to tune people while delivering on his mandate as he moves on. Already sounds like work just writing that especially for us who are not politicians.

The fact that my buddy admitted his flaw  (though not tragic in my view) was authentic and even admirable. He didn’t deceive himself so he couldn’t deceive others. And that will make him sleep easy at night. Blaise Pascal said, “We are only falsehood, duplicity, contradiction; we both conceal and disguise ourselves from ourselves. That to me is the ultimate tragic flaw. Playing hide and seek with ourselves. Being our genuine selves while remaining open to learning is how we transition successfully through seasons of life. May Sir God help us manage our flaws and maybe even use them to our advantage. That keeps the tragic end out of the picture.