The Good Men Project.

The Good Book tells us that a prophet is often rejected in his own home town but is a celeb where he visits. It’s often the case in life today. We have serious Kenyans in our midst hardly recognized or applauded. Truly familiarity does tend to breed contempt. Here we call it kuzoeana (getting used to each other). I have written here about my pack of brothers severally in the past. The 5 guys whom I spend most of my time with after my family. I remain deeply honoured and feel like I have hit the friendship jackpot when it comes to my brotherhood with these chaps.

We have done life together for almost 20 years and even longer with some. My pal Davy reminds me we met 30 years ago and are still good friends. Our friendship is like traditional brew. The more it ferments over time the sweeter it gets. I was the fourth in the group to turn 50 and the two remaining chaps are close. We continue to meet over golf or a fine drink but it’s been different lately. Maybe it’s age that’s making us more introspective. We have been questioning what our plans are for a better life. We would like to address different yet similar challenges, but we seem to have struggled for long with some of them. For most of my 40s, I have battled with what identity to have for myself and also how I can set up new income streams to secure my future.

At 50 we should be consolidating what we have acquired over time, both in assets and skills. How can I use my experience for a better and more meaningful second half of life? Hence, my goal is now to maximise my gift for impact and income. Most of us want to get to a point where we have enough money not to think about money. Makes sense? Those are the conversations We‘ve been having with my boys.

We finally decided that talk is cheap so we gathered in a conference room at Karen Country Club last Friday. I was challenged by my mates to facilitate the program since I claim to be a halftime coach and facilitator. It was an honour but I also felt weird showing my abilities (or lack of) to a group of guys who know me very well. I finally feel that prophet Lucas has been acknowledged at home hehe. It’s not common for family and friends of a coach or similar professional to benefit from their skills. Maybe it’s back to the familiarity. Too much of it may come in the way of objectivity.

Anyhow we gathered at 9 am to start our exploratory day together. We dubbed our meet, the Good Men Project. We do have some good in us but believe there is much more latent good that needs to be mined. Plus we are 50 and so time is of the essence. I simply thought to divide the day into two parts. The morning section was for individual deep dives where we each share where we are currently, where we desire to be in a year and what’s holding us back. After that, we all share practical steps on the way forward and commit to holding each other accountable.

The afternoon session was on group thinking about what we can do as a team. We bring diverse abilities and skills to the table and what came out of that forum was the idle capacity we have in total. We have hardly used the social capital we have earned over the years yet it is enough to open some good doors. We are behaving like broke millionaires hehe. So why are we stuck? What’s holding us back as men? And what do we need to do to unlock both personal and group potential?   And by when? That’s what we gathered to address. I invite you folks to consider asking yourselves some of those questions too.

At the end of that day we gathered at the nearby watering hole to debrief. I felt like I had met new guys. We shared deep stuff, some of which we didn’t know about each other. Yaani you can have close people in your life you think you know well, just to discover you are not as close as you thought. True friendship is one where we can open up at a deep and vulnerable level that allows for transformational change. We have since paired up so that we can hold each other accountable for the commitments we made. Intentionality is key to creating the change we desire. British economist, John Keynes said that “the difficulty lies not so much in developing new ideas as in escaping old ones”. This was an attempt to escape old ways of thinking and start learning new elevated ways that will unlock our greatness.

Sometimes we tolerate stuff we don’t like for so long that we end up validating it subconsciously. Our meeting last week was like an antiseptic poured on a wound. We made each other uncomfortable with straight talk and we intend to keep the pressure on our wounds until our scars turn into stars.

Folks if you are in a tight-knit group of good humans you have done life with then it’s imperative that you look out not just for yourself but for them too. Imagine if you are the only one who succeeds in life and secure your future but your close pals are still stuck in the past. I doubt you will enjoy your individual success much. After all, you can’t go have a drink with your chequebook. You will need some good company and if you can buy it then it’s not legit. I want (and working on) to live a life of joy, balance and impact. The only thing that would make that life better is living it with my close family and friends also at that level themselves. The project continues and we will ensure it doesn’t become a white elephant hehe