The Crossing

Allow me to admit that I’m one of those Kenyans who have not appreciated their country enough. We are blessed to have one of the Seven Wonders of the World here in +254, the wildebeest migration, yet I have never witnessed it. I must make a point to do so before I exit the fourth floor. And I will take my clan of sharks to see the marvel that is their country. That way they can grow up saying wanajivunia kuwa wakenya unlike many older folks who vumilia kuwa wakenya.

Being 40 and the halftime transition from first to second half is like the wildebeest crossing the Mara River. It is a matter of life and death. There may not be physical death for most people but death of dreams and purpose can easily happen at this point. This is the point where faith either dips or rises sharply based on our state of mind, and situation in life.

For the last four years, anxiety and uncertainty have been like my shadow Following me day and night. I can only imagine how much more intense it is with the animals at the cliff that have to take the plunge.  lions and hyenas are staring at them like succulent mobile T bone steaks salivating.  Below them are the wide open jaws of crocs waiting with toothpicks by the river banks. As if that’s not sufficient terror, there are bodies of half eaten carcasses floating in the muddy water – a stark reminder of what might happen to them when they jump into the river.

Beyond the river crossing is the lush, open savannah, full of food, promise and new life. But I cannot blame the wildebeest for not seeing any of that. How can they, when the end of their running life is almost guaranteed to come to an end? This is how being 40 has been, at least for me and few others I have interacted with. For some folks I know the crossing came at 30 and few others at 60. Point is we all have to cross at some point in our lives.

The lions and hyenas of financial vulnerability, feelings of inadequacy and confusion seem to be closing in. The crocodiles of indecision are ready to gobble me up as opportunities pass me by that others seem to benefit from.  With all these looming threats to my existence, the response, as we are told by shrinks, is fight or flight. How can you fight when the odds are stacked so highly against you? Then the only path to flight is through those jaws of death. It is nearly impossible to see beyond the river of death to the infinite possibilities that lie ahead.

The annual migration is the perfect pictorial of life at the halftime transition for me. There must be something about 40. It represents death and new life at many levels. Some examples from the greatest book ever written, (the Bible) include; Noah’s Ark which he built in 40 days to shield himself and family from the floods that lasted 40 days. The Israelites who wandered through the desert for 40 years. Jesus Christ who fasted for 40 days. I hear even pass marks in some schools start at 40. Siku za mwizi ni arobaini (a thief has 40 days before his luck runs out). Then I heard another harsh one ati a fool at 40 is a fool forever. Not sure I agree with that one though.

Folks 40 clearly seems to be a huge crossing for many since time immemorial. It’s like destiny in numbers. Destiny is equal to 40.  May we all have the courage to jump into the river of uncertainty, land on our feet, and swim across with our hearts still pumping. I think the experience of the crossing is meant to be so life changing that when we reach the other side, we are reconfigured to take on new assignments that are beyond anything our pre 40 minds could conceive. After all, it is almost impossible to remain the same when you have cheated death (or so it seems).

Maybe I’m a coward but for me, this crossing will not be possible without divine help. That’s why I’m hanging onto Sir God like a wet T shirt.  Despite my randomness, which may be making my crossing last longer, I’m glad I can still catch a glimpse of Him in my corner every now and then.

Oh and Happy birthday Titianne Donde. Welcome to the cliff. I’m sure you have the wit to dodge the crocs below and come across in one piece.