One of the ways I choose who to have a conversation with is waiting for a name or face to be dropped into my mind. I take that as confirmation that I’m to reach out to them for a chat that will help in my halftime transition. I really enjoy and look forward to those chats. It’s like they have been pre-qualified and shortlisted as the ones to deliver most value to my life.
Most conversations are open ended though. It’s like planting a seed in the ground and moving on, not knowing if and when it will sprout. The trick is to remain open minded and resist having expectations from the chat. Otherwise you may be tempted to manipulate a certain outcome and chances for disappointment will be high then. Besides, people are more inclined to help when they know you are not only meeting them to ask for stuff but to seek their counsel. In fact, I feel honoured and tend to go out of my way when someone asks me for help. It’s a nice, fuzzy feeling when someone considers me worthy of helping them.
This was the case recently when I met a senior member of society, (at least the society I operate in), for chai. He came to mind because I admire his life. He’s a relatively good picture of success. I also admire his confidence and thoroughness in everything he’s engaged in. Daktari (as we call him), is in a place I’d like to be in myself, serving in a few good boards and working in a global organisation bringing positive change. I covet his ability to convert possibilities and conversations to reality effectively and that’s what stood out for me.
In our meeting, I shared the challenges I’m having juggling between the demands of a public service job and running my personal business. I needed him to help me navigate that situation. How do I continue seeking serving opportunities to impact and live off them while ensuring that my current business runs smoothly without too much of my input? His first reaction was shocking.
He said I’m shy. I was like what? Me shy? Never.
That made me introspect and after few weeks of doing that, maybe I am shy. I don’t maximise opportunities available to me. I have been told that I’m wealthy network-wise. Why doesn’t that translate to a better life (read, more chums)? One of the reasons could be because I subscribe to the school of thought that asserts using things and loving people vs using people and loving things. My pal Chris, jokes that he has chosen to be happy instead of rich. Can one have both? I believe so because of a favourite quote by my pal Frida. She says money may not buy you happiness but it puts happy in a lot of places. That, I agree with.
I often come across conversations where people are looking to contact a certain person who has the key to a door they want opened for them. In some instances, I happen to know that person well and can reach them without breaking a sweat. My default setting is to build on the personal relationship first, then the benefit opportunity-wise will follow. This is not guaranteed and may take a long time. Does that approach leave money on the table? Maybe it does, but your social capital increases and you can expense it throughout your life.
Folks at 40, we have reserves within us that could enrich our lives that we do not tap into for one reason or another. It could be some of you are shy like me (according to Daktari), or are simply not aware of the clout we carry as a result of the sum total of our experiences up to fourth floor. I’m sure some of you have been in situations where you are described by younger folks in very high regard and you wonder Who are they talking about? Because it can’t be me.
Maybe its high time we looked deeper so as to tap deeper to the accumulated wealth being 40 has given us. Of course with the wisdom to balance between seeking opportunities for benefiting ourselves and building others up. When the chums are made we shall need the good relations to enjoy the chums with. At the same time, broke guys always appearing needy are not fun to hang around. So the two go hand in hand and none should be sacrificed at the expense of the other.
Daktari concluded by giving me a few ideas on how he can help my business in his circle of influence. He also agreed to introduce me to a few people who can open doors for me in the new space of public service I’m getting into. I believe he agreed to go out of his way for me because we’ve been good pals for few years just interacting roho safi without any demands. So my theory works folks, hehe…
One can have both, if they choose.
kweli
A lady in my late 20’s I have picked a tip on building social capital. You know they say your network is your net-worth. I am building relationships that when I turn 40 we will enjoy chums with.
Have you considered having your friends who think as so, to pick a boy/girl in their 20’s/30’s for committed and available to be mentored? It is at this age when we are in transitions of all sorts, career/business growth etc. Your experience shared would go such a long way helping someone out here where finding a mentor whom a 20’s/30’s girl/boy can be candid with is rare.
A lady in my late 20’s I have picked a tip on building social capital. You know they say your network is your net-worth. I am building relationships that when I turn 40 we will enjoy chums with.
Have you considered having your friends who think as so, to pick a boy/girl in their 20’s/30’s committed and available for mentorship? It is at this age when we are in transitions of all sorts, career/business growth etc. Your experience shared would go such a long way helping someone out here where finding a mentor whom a 20’s/30’s girl/boy can be candid with is rare.