Stop-To-Do List.

The older we get the less hectic life should become. That’s the ideal scenario. However, some seem to get busier as they get older. When you see a senior citizen busy hustling for survival, there seems to be something wrong with that picture. It’s a sad state of affairs for me. Two thoughts cross my mind. First, what did this mzee spend his youth doing? Because it doesn’t show now in his sunset years. Secondly, it frightens me kidogo because I wonder if I am making the most hay while the sun of my midlife is still shining. I’d hate to be a desperate old man.

Such thoughts make it difficult to endure waiting periods successfully. I feel like precious time is passing by coupled with my fear of poverty. The panic is real folks. However successful transitions and indeed lives require that we slow down every so often, pull over to take stock of where we are and get clarity of where we are going. That doesn’t come naturally to many because we feel like poverty is closing in fast and may pounce upon us like a bandit.

But the fact remains if we are to live meaningful lives then we have to get off the treadmill and re-evaluate our existence. Our in-tray will continue piling up long after we are gone so maybe not everything that comes our way is an emergency. It mostly appears that way but maybe it’s because we are conditioned to always be busy. And that somehow busyness shows that we are being productive and moving on up. Sometimes It’s made worse by the lack of planning from those we are working with. So it ends up constituting an emergency for us.

That’s where tough love comes in. I’m still in class on this one. I’m told that No is a beautiful word and we should get comfortable using it. Warren Buffet told us that the most successful people say no to almost everything. That’s hard for Africans because we are conditioned to see no as rude and insensitive when growing up. It may have served our parents well when growing up. To be seen and not be heard. But I believe saying yes too much can derail us. Our to-do lists get longer when they should be getting shorter instead.

And that’s where the idea of a stop-to-do list comes in. Imagine that. Writing down what you will stop doing every day, week or month. One of the things that will appear on my stop-to-do list is accepting all the invites to speaking engagements. Initially, I’d accept any chance to speak that came my way because I want to work my gift. Then I noticed I was only getting asked to speak for free, nothing paid. While we all have to do some probono work to get noticed and refine our craft, if it lasts too long then we run the risk of being the popular free guy. And that’s not a tag I want to have. Now I choose what to accept and only when it’s clear the outcome aligns with the goals I want to achieve. I feel more focused.

Folks when you have been around forty years plus, I’m sure you have put in your ten thousand hours. You are quite good at something. Once you are clear about what that is and what you want to do with it then you can choose engagements that align with that. Clarity acts as a litmus test to vet what comes our way. If a task is opaque we drop it. If it reflects what we want then we engage. Quality exposure is better than just mass exposure. Many of us keep long to-do lists mainly driven by fear. We are afraid to say no because we feel we may lose an opportunity or we risk getting unpopular.

Donald Miller said, “ fear tricks us into living a boring life”. And a long to-do list is closely related to a boring life. While a stop-to-do list sounds adventurous. I picture having a short list with only a few things that engage me the most and those that I’m deeply passionate about. The stop-to-do list is a new phenomenon but something worth experimenting with. Then as we get into our second half our lives reduce in quantity of activities but increase in quality of experiences. That’s the life I choose. As Mel Robbins said, “we expand our capacity when we narrow our focus”.

“Desire alone will not allow you to do something new in your second half. You must create the capacity to do it. If you are being controlled by too many time and energy-consuming activities, you will continue to be frustrated by unfulfilled dreams and desires – Bob  Buford. Folks, dreaming or complaining is the easy part and many of us remain there for a long time wishing our life was better or different. Two things must happen. We must lessen our busyness by stopping to do some things. Secondly, we must move from desire to action.

Share with me your stop-to-do lists.