NO Thanks.

As is the case for many, the end year period tends to lead to introspection and evaluation of our lives, the year that was and the hopes we have for the future. This was clear in my article of last week where my word for next year came up, Defining. I pray and hope that I can soak this word and bring it to life in all my dealings in 2019. If that can happen I’m sure this time next year, I’ll be fully engaged in my second half and living my new dream.

Sunny Bindra is one individual who comes closest to what I want my second half to look like, at least professionally. He’s a good and respected speaker, has a way of delivering complex messages simply and has the ability to pick key management and life lessons from random daily occurrences like zebra crossings and billboards. I particularly admire his signature program called Fast Forward which has become a huge success. I would love to have a signature program like that especially with guys going through transitions. This would go well using the halftime institute training that I’m undertaking. Once certified, I will be better equipped to help folks handle their transitions and move from success to significance.

I’m a fan of Sunny so much that I’ve cut out some of his articles that have stood out for me. One such article was titled To be really successful? Say NO most of the time to most things. This struck me because my good reader and publisher pal Mumbi sent me a similar message around the same time that I read Sunny’s piece. I took that as a sign that there’s a lesson for me here.

Warren Buffet said, “The difference between successful people and really successful people is that really successful people say no to almost everything.” For a moment there I was lost. I thought we find more success when we say yes to more things. That way we take advantage of more opportunities. Warren’s statement contradicted what I thought is the route to success by taking advantage of all that comes your way. After all, money can clear burnout ama. So I thought.

I recently got a call from a prominent TV personality to be part of a show she was launching on Saturday evenings. I was excited and said yes after meeting with her for more details. The only hitch was that it was to start the next weekend yet I was away the next three satos in a row.

I was tempted to cancel my weekend engagements and jump on this opportunity but I said I’d be available after Christmas. While in Eldoret the following week, I picked up the daily from the airport and saw that the show would start that Sato. They had already gotten my replacement. I felt bad and wondered if I made a mistake by saying no to being available immediately. After some thought I decided it wasn’t for me and if it’s meant to be then we shall hook-up in the New Year. Meanwhile I’ve been able to maximise on the commitments I had those three Saturdays that followed and I feel it was the right thing to do.

Then in March I took one of those personality profile tests. The thing with such tests is they highlight your weaknesses. I prefer focusing on my strengths but I’m learning working on my weaknesses is equally beneficial because I reduce my blind spots. One of the weaknesses from the test was that I find it difficult to say no if relationships are being threatened. Two suggestions for my development are that I would benefit from saying no more frequently and I should reduce the level of activities in my life.

This was an eye-opener that confirmed why I do what I do. It’s difficult changing what you do naturally and in my case even more difficult being an African where we struggle to say no to people for fear of appearing snobbish. It is now clear that for my 2019 word (Defining) to be actualized, I have to say no to most things that come my way.

Folks, I once read that if you have more than three priorities you have none. I’m a victim of mob things and feel proud to say I’m swamped. It’s like a symbol of success, but now I’m learning it’s actually more a symbol of confusion and disorder. Sunny says in his article, “Trying a lot of stuff out, being curious, being ready to give many things a go is a plan – when you’re young. After a certain age (read 40), however, you had better get your NO muscle working- otherwise you will never go deep on any one thing.”

The more we learn to say no to more things, the more effective and efficient we shall be. This sounds theoretical to me now but with the wise people I’ve mentioned here being committed disciples of the NO gospel, I’m willing to give it a try. If the quality of their lives and the success they have achieved are the fruits of saying no, then it’s definitely a good idea.

I have said no before but sometimes I’m left wondering whether I’ve just shut the door to some good deal. I pray that we get wisdom to discern the many things to say no to and the very few to say yes to. Maybe one determinant of whether to say yes or no to an opportunity is the timing. If saying yes will disrupt important commitments you’ve made prior, then maybe you should say no. If the time the gap shows up and what you’ve been doing prior seems like preparation for the gap at hand, then maybe you should say yes. After all we’ve heard that luck is when opportunity and preparation meet.

Lastly, the company we keep will help a great deal in growing our ability to say NO. Sunny says that we should hang out with people who support and understand our priorities, not those who try to thwart them for their own ends. Colin Powell warned that we should be careful where we stop to inquire for directions along the road of life. Wise is the person who fortifies his life with the right friendships. So there’s another clue to saying no, folks. Run the NO answer by your close relations and if they’re in agreement then its most likely the right decision.

Here’s to a NO-filled 2019. Let’s give it a shot folks. It may be harder at the beginning but it will get easier as we practice it more frequently.

Ps: We are at that point again where I hepa you guys next week and claim that I will not be posting an article because of unreliable Wi-Fi in the bush that I will be in. Thank you for your readership this year and your comments (including the ones in your mind too). See you all in the New Year.

Happy Holidays good people.