Lessons From My Father.

The need to live and leave a legacy became apparent in my 40s. I often ask my halftime coaching clients, ‘What do you want to be remembered for?’ That end-of-life question then starts guiding our actions now so that we finish well. But the fast pace of life often derails our best intentions hence blurring our long view. Long-term is replaced with urgent and the here and now. When I was running my tent business, the future was the next event where we were setting up tents, nothing beyond that. I would often brag that I can’t plan for a week. That’s too long. While that may be true for many entrepreneurs, we still achieve more and work better when we plan for a bit longer.

As I remember my dad this week of his mashakaya (it was the week everyone met to eulogize him before his funeral) Im discovering lessons he was teaching me that have taken his demise for me to get clarity on. Truly we don’t know how much someone meant until they are no more. Or maybe we do for those who are self-aware but there are lessons only loss can teach. Maybe it’s because of the vacuum left behind or the fact that we took them for granted when they were with us. May we love each other in word and deed while we still have each other. That way we won’t have much left to say when bidding them kwaheri.

I’m so glad my dad knew my heart towards him. No baggage or regrets of unfinished business. That has helped me grieve much lighter. Folks, death doesn’t come like an AGM with a 21-day notice. The AGM on our lives or those around us may be called at any moment so live and love like it is getting out of fashion.

My Mzee taught me three lessons and I’m sure I will keep learning more as I progress in life without him. We are often told how we finish is what matters. But I believe how we start can influence how we finish. Dad and mum have often shared their stories of how they began life in Nairobi having both come from shags. Their humble beginning and even humbler pay united them and enhanced their resolve to succeed in life. Going back to shags wasn’t an option. That led to Mzee looking for jobs in companies that would help him meet his goals, of which buying a house was one of them.

We ended up growing in a small urban farm and that made us bond quite a bit. It’s also where our work ethic and entrepreneurial skills were formed. I remember us packing our belongings into an old Bedford truck that Dad had shown up with on a random Saturday morning. He said he didn’t want to pay rent for another month so we moved to our incomplete home. My sister would go on to revise for her class 8 exams using a paraffin lamp as we didn’t have stima installed. Because of that move, we got a jumpstart in life. Whatever move you need to make in life folks, start urgently and decisively. Dad seemed clear that his youth won’t last forever so he needed to secure his family’s future while he still has the energy.

The second lesson is that Mzee refused to retire. Even into his seventies, he sought education. He graduated with a bachelor’s degree and a postgraduate diploma in conflict management while in his sixties. I even signed him up for a mediation course where he was certified as a professional mediator. Dad sought and tried to maintain the peace. That made him sought after in his circles to resolve issues. No wonder he went back to school as a senior citizen. Even the Good Book says in Matthew 5: 9 “Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called children of God” Dad was visibly a child of God. So, folks do not retire. Re-fire instead.

The third lesson I discovered after Dad had passed on. Yes, his bible was worn out from reading and carrying it with him everywhere. That was his compass in life and I’m challenged to read my Bible more. I also found a lot of notes from books and articles he read. Now I know why he was calm and where his wisdom came from. He did a lot of internal work through reading and journaling. He was also a good accountant and career banker so he was good at keeping records. Mzee’s good record-keeping has helped us sort out some issues that came up with his demise. It’s like he is still leading us in his absence because all we do is go into his study and find information (feels like instructions sometimes) we need to move on. May we keep our important documentation and records in good order as we do life folks. It is another way of loving our families so they don’t suffer when we are gone.

Continue resting in peace Mzee, you are a child of God.