Imposter Syndrome.

Today is a significant day. We are holding our annual AGM and elections at one of the public service bodies I work with. I say it is significant because I’m running for the top position, yet I feel like it’s a dream. Having served there for the last five years, I have now thrown my hat in the ring for the chairman of the board position. I’m finding it strange when my friends call me chairman. Since it’s a body with a good succession structure, all indications show the members will elect me.

Last week I mentioned how we feel inadequate while other people view us as being well accomplished. I consulted a friend this week on how to create a good personal brand online. She told me that one way is to have a CV / profile that describes you well. I told her I have a profile that I can share though I feel it doesn’t reflect who I really am. She then said that most of us sell ourselves short because we are either blind to our own success or have this negative humility. By this I mean many folks have this warped thinking that acknowledging their success is bragging and being proud. Deep down we feel we have done well but a voice in our heads tells us ni bahati tu and it’s not that much. We go through life admiring other folks including even those behind us on this journey of life. Maybe it’s the faking- it- till- we- make- it syndrome.

I know there’s a fine line between being proud and confident. But pouring water on our achievements as a sign of humility is doing oneself a great disservice. That is why this challenge is only for high achievers. Some guys who have accomplished little shout from the roof tops about the impact they have made on mankind. Only thing is that impact is in their heads.

Mummy shark is a classic example of folks who’ve accomplished a lot but continuously sell themselves short. This girl has accomplished what many folks older than her have not. I hope I am one of those accomplishments. Ha-ha! Maybe that’s why most of her pals are much older than her. I often tell her she has an old soul and maybe that’s what keeps her ahead of the pack. Being a good Christian girl, she gives all the credit to Sir God above.

Living in a space where she feels she’s arrived too early in life professionally, she constantly feels the pressure to do more. It’s like finding yourself in class seven yet your age mates are in class four. She is in the consulting field and when she wins proposals for work against other more experienced (read older) consultants, she gets very surprised. She has gone on to deliver excellent work, but the funny thing is she will panic each time she’s asked to pitch for another assignment. She feels insecure and unqualified despite having succeeded previously. That’s a crutch many successful people have. Clearly my work is cut out for me. To be her cheer leader number moja.

I feel like this position I’m going for today has been brought to me. I see it as one of those doors that are open for me to enter. I didn’t have to print posters, hire pickups mounted with loudspeakers and pour money campaigning to get here. So I’ll take it as one of those divine appointments.  I know there may be more deserving guys to take this up but I’m consciously telling myself that I am meant to be here. I need to turn down the volume in my head of that voice telling me differently.

I’m not sure what the cure for this imposter syndrome is, but I know we all need to find a balance between being comfortable in our success as we seek to improve. After all, there is always room for improvement. It’s the biggest room in the house.