I’m A Midwife.

A good friend of mine asked me what my niche is. Well, she already knew I’m drawn to people going through transitions especially those seeking a life of more impact, joy and balance. She wanted me to be more specific. She’s also a certified coach and wondered why we need to have a niche yet we have been well trained in coaching people. Can’t a good coach coach on almost any topic or area? Well, to a large extent yes. Unless of course the topic brings out the coach’s biases hence compromising their objectivity. At that point, they should disqualify themselves.

I remember just before our graduation 5 years ago from coaching school we were asked what areas we would want to specialize in. Due to my interaction with halftime, it was clear that I would continue with folks seeking a life of significance. I feel transitions or halftime chose me and I’m glad it did. My assignment on earth is to help people find and live more meaningful lives.

To respond to my pal on whether we need niches, I remembered a quote by Mel Robbins, “Narrow your focus, expand your capacity”. That summed it up for me. I have subconsciously resisted being a generalist or conformist most of my life. Maybe that’s why I went into business early in life while most of my peers got into employment. Although I once recall kneeling at the post office box before opening it praying there would be mail with good news. That’s because immediately after campus, I desired to work in marketing for one of the big corporations back then. In hindsight, I now thank Sir God for unanswered prayers. I even remember being upset at my mum for not hooking me up with her former employer, Kenya Breweries Ltd. I think she feared that I might get carried away by their products hehe.

Since 2019 I have sought to be knowledgeable about life transitions. That was how I finally answered a question often asked by many (including a publisher), when are you writing a book?  The answer to that question became clear in December last year. Being an author will grow me as a thought leader on transitions. That’s my goal and reason for attempting a book.

Mummy Shark somehow confirmed it recently when she mentioned that the author of the bestseller, Atomic Habits used to write weekly for many years. James Clear’s readers suggested he put together his thoughts into the book that has now been read by millions. I wish my attempt at a book would come with that guarantee. I would hibernate on a remote island bila Wi-Fi and emerge with my book. We’ll see how it goes. It’s still early days.

Last Sunday I logged into a webinar that just hit the spot. It was by Chip Conley talking about why life gets better in midlife and beyond. He said many things which may form a few blogs over the next few weeks. One stood out that reinforced my pal’s query about who my tribe is. According to sociologists, midlife is between 35 and 75 years so that means all my clients are in transition.

That was consoling because it confirmed I haven’t been wasting time with folks who are on the fast lane of their very clear life. But I was surprised that midlife spans over 40 years. That’s a lot of time. If that’s true then my mum and I are both in midlife, imagine that. It helps when we are clear about where our superpower lies and whom it is intended for and it takes time to align the two. Chip said a transition coach is a midwife for midlife. Sorry Chip but I’m stealing that line and running with it he he. Such a vivid description.

Many of us go through life expectant with dreams and deep desires that we struggle to actualize. The world would be a better place if more of us left the labour ward to birth our passions and interests. What seems to be lacking are qualified midwives in our midst to help deliver our new missions. The fear of the unknown future curtails the midwifing process. And since we cannot be expectant forever our baby loses the fight and we remain stuck.

Folks, maybe we should befriend transitions by viewing each as an addition to our lives, not a replacement. Perhaps the view that we are losing or giving up something scares us to move forward and we end up holding on to a past that’s over. But when we see the new beginning as an upgrade of the ending then the future might look less scary.

Does one need a coach to progress through midlife successfully? That would help a great deal. But we can also seek out a good fellow human in midlife and walk this journey pamoja. There is also a lot of material we could read to equip ourselves on how to transition well. We can also attempt to self-coach by asking ourselves thought-provoking questions and finding a way to keep ourselves accountable. That requires some self-discipline though.

 I do that by having a peer coach I meet monthly. We share what we are working on and challenge each other’s thoughts and plans. It’s a case of iron sharpening iron. The self-coaching part I am now doing through reading books on areas of importance, like financial freedom and how to maximise my interactions with people. I’m doing this through a reading app called Headway, in addition to reading books. It has many books summarized into about 15 minutes of listening each. That way I can read (listen to) several books a day and become the most interesting person in the room (headways tagline, not mine hehe).

Chances are if you’re reading this story then you too could be in a transition of one kind or another. Let’s grow our tribe together and hopefully reduce our collective anxiety and move into a life of significance.