Faith @ 40.

As I look back at my life, I see a guy who resembles me. Have you ever felt that way? Like you can’t believe you are the one who did the stuff you’ve done. That is me on several occasions. I miss that person sometimes. I had serious courage, and fear was for other people, not me. When I wanted something, I just engaged D (for drive) and dealt with the consequences ahead. I was less cautious and analytical before I made a decision. Nowadays, analysis paralysis holds me back more frequently and I hate it.

Like many of my peers, one of the biggest investments I have made was to buy our first home with mummy shark. This was more than ten years ago. I remember that sequence of events and replay it now like those naija drama movies with me as the main character in it. I doubt I can do that today.

I was lucky enough to get a small piece of land from my mzee, so I decided I would build my house there and started that project. I was single and biashara was doing great.

Before I started my tents business, I had other businesses that I was running with my family. We had taken loans and the interest rate was sky high in the 90s. I think the banks were charging us on a daily basis because what you owed in the morning at breakfast would increase by dinnertime jioni.  The late 90s were terrible times for Kenya. The economy was on its knees, almost similar to what this year has been like. Anyway, the project progressed well until one year down the line when the bank came knocking. I lost my project, which was collateral for the loan. The bank auctioned my property. It was excruciating. In fact I think I even got depressed but wasn’t aware. I just had this long sadness and emptiness after that.

Meanwhile my new, young wife was doing rounds after work looking at properties for sale. I was drowning in the sorrow of my loss but she was already looking into the future . I had told her I would never live in an apartment. We were going to have a home with a driveway and manicured lawns. In fact, if the plot of land had been bigger I would even have put a roundabout with a fountain just to feel good. Effects of watching Dallas the movie. 40s folks, remember akina JR and Bobby Ewing?

In her search, she found something that she thought I’d like and took me to see it. I went reluctantly and viewed the house. It was quite nice and so as to make it for my golf game by midday, I told the caretaker that we would take it. What I didn’t realise was mummy shark had even talked to her mum and my mum to support the purchase when the time came to decide. We all know you can’t beat that combination of your wife and two mothers, so I chose my battle wisely. The following Monday I went to see the Muindi developer accompanied by mum. I told him we would buy the house cash and went on to pay 100,000/= as commitment (which was all I had), and the balance in 14 days. Fake – it – till – you – make – it works sometimes. I needed to do that so as to bypass a previous buyer who had expressed interest but was taking a loan.

As I took my mum home, I wondered to myself – What were you smoking guy? The price of this house had a few commas to it. In fact the 100k felt like ya kutoa (think Mpesa charges when sending money). I was clueless on how to pay the balance. After dropping off mum, I went back to this house to take it all in slowly by myself. I had committed, so there was no turning back. As I drove out, pleading with God not to allow public shame to consume me, I noticed this huge billboard by a roundabout that I was approaching. It was a local bank offering 0% deposit mortgages for the first time in Kenya. As in, once you qualified they would pay 100% for your property. I stared at that thing mpaka cars behind me started hooting at me.

That’s what I call a miracle. The timing and location of the events was not just a coincidence. To make this story even sweeter, I called the bank and the contact I was referred to was a pal who had just relocated from South Africa to take up this job. I’m sure you will agree with me that there was a higher being behind these series of events. I felt like a tiny participant in the movie that was my life. We ended up getting the house and lived there for close to ten years. We created first home memories there since we became parents and grew our family there.

Moral of the story here is, until we have the faith to make what looks like a foolish decision, miracles will not happen. My life has been a series of God accidents and this was one huge prang. That is the faith I need to exercise now on fourth floor. Growing older and life’s experiences seem to have reduced my faith levels, hence the struggles of self-belief. I need to get back to that brave faith and rely less on my so-called wisdom that comes with age. It’s actually foolishness a lot of the time and it doesn’t serve me well.

My hope is that the faith I had in my 20s will double just like my age now at 40s. Folks, lets embrace the foolish faith more even as we live out wisdom gained from our first half.

Plus, be aware of your surroundings. The answer you looking for may just be on the roundabout ahead of you.