Broke Leadership.

We finally held our mubaba’s conference, aka Silver Fox event, last Saturday at Karen Country Club. I was deeply honored to moderate that event. When a man makes a wrong turn, that was the event’s theme, and it did attract many chaps. Maybe it’s because by the time we become silver foxes, we have gathered a few wrong turns along the way, hence the good attendance.

We had a panel of three men who have owned their shame and, as a result have been set free from the bondage of regret. That’s how they were able to be authentic and vulnerable in their sharing. It was a rare sight to behold. First a room full of men keen to learn and share, but also a panel that’s not holding back from stuff that’s happened to them that they may not be very proud of. Once that magic of dropping our guards started happening, I knew that we were creating and getting into a safe space, and that’s what men need to heal, grow, and thrive.

Let me give a disclaimer here. I will probably refer to that event in the next couple of articles. I mined many gems worth sharing. The fairway restaurant was set up well on that cloudy Saturday. The welcome cocktail warmed our spirits, hehe. And the spread of food was for kings. Well, that’s who we were hosting, after all, ama. Plus, we are told that the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach. The chef got the brief and executed it well.

Like any event, whether a workshop, coaching session, or moderation like this, I always get the jitters, especially at the beginning. I feel the pressure to start strong because if I don’t, then I risk losing the crowd and having a cold and boring event. Then imposter syndrome shows up like a rela from shags at that point. Who has a vaccine against it? Kindly share the pin for where I can get it.

I remembered the wise counsel of two wazees, John Maxwell and Mike Eldon. And I applied it to have a good start. John Maxwell said that the only way to get over yourself is by being yourself. Yaani, that has become like a ring tone I play in my mind every time I get the jitters. Mike Eldon, on the other hand, once told me to watch the speed of my speech. If I can’t hear myself, then my audience can’t hear me, either. When I slow down my speech, I’m able to process my thoughts better and deliver them better cooked.

These two hacks have been helpful and have diluted the self-doubt that appears. Those are the two hacks I’m deploying currently to add value to every engagement I have. Feel free to try them, folks. Or better still, share with me your hacks so we can improve pamoja hehe.

One of the panelists shared the lessons he’s learnt after his marriage hit the rocks some years back. He spoke about the need to still provide leadership to one’s household even when the bank balance is not cooperating. That looks like broke leadership to me, I queried, and the room erupted in laughter. Money is equal to being a man. That’s the narrative we are sold because it helps fulfil a key obligation of providing. But could we be mistaken in thinking that leadership is just paying bills and that’s it? While covering our base financially is a big stone in the jar, other stones need to be fitted into the jar, too.

Our panellist shared his reflections in hindsight and where he dropped the ball when his job katikad (ended). It’s been a few years since. In that time, he discovered where his leadership was required even though he didn’t have money. You cannot argue with a man’s revelations, so we listened as he offered what he’d do differently if he got a second chance.

The good book tells us that a man shall leave his father and mother and be united with his wife. It doesn’t give a certain bank balance as the prerequisite. Maybe it’s because we may be on top of things today, and kesho, it all comes crumbling down. Sir God is all-knowing and sees kesho, so he can’t put stuff in writing that would contradict him. Our guy helped us reduce our fixation on money as the key (and sometimes only) measure of success for a man and challenged us to develop other equally important elements of good manly leadership like giving our families time, sharing more of our internal world and helping others with our talents and abilities. He’s doing a great job now in mentoring younger, restless foxes in the hope they won’t make too many wrong turns.

There have been times when my bank account has had more dust than money, but my time balance has been high. That’s the season to be present for my clan and pour into them. Reminds me of COVID times when I’d be in pajamas the whole day. I became a headmaster to my kids and ran their online school from home, helping them with their school work. Sometimes I even found myself as the teacher’s assistant when Mwalimu’s Wi-Fi wore a mask and went off hehe. As I look back, I don’t think what I did would have been bought with cash. What my family needed was their dad more than his chums. I could have been one of those COVID millionaires but morally bankrupt to those who needed me the most. I guess that’s to say a loaded man can still be a broke leader in ways that his money can’t fix or buy. That’s what the Silver Fox event was about, amongst other pertinent issues aimed at lifting the men.

That’s what our panelists helped us see. A mind shift happened for many of us, and for that, we are grateful for their shared wisdom. That’s the beauty of storytelling. We learn from the mistakes of others, and the journey of life becomes less lonely. Now that’s a good use of an evening. The fact that those mubabas stayed put for almost 4 hours without booze or a big screen with loud music meant that this was a timely and needed conversation. I choose to believe that some healing and right turns have commenced. Well, most of us still ended up at the sundowner bar for swallowship at the end for further reflection. So, let’s raise our glasses and toast to fewer wrong turns and to righting wrong turns. Cheers fellas.