Age-Mates.

Parenting is a significant undertaking. It’s one of the greatest responsibilities anyone can assume. You are tasked with shaping the future of other human beings while navigating your own. To compound this, there is no prior experience or trial run to prepare you. It’s one of those crucial roles you step into (or stumble upon) without having any background or confirming you possess the necessary qualifications. Moreover, there’s no retirement from this position, and any failure can have lifelong repercussions. The child may place you on a Performance Improvement Programme – PIP (if they still like you), but the impact of our parenting is far-reaching.

It appears the odds are against us if we choose to embrace the parenting role, yet many of us embark on this journey in one form or another. Thus, it follows that there must be substantial rewards despite the challenges, beyond just the impulse to pass on our genes. Parenting is akin to a contact sport. You cannot excel at it remotely or via Bluetooth, at least not if you seek a positive evaluation from those you nurture. I often question my choices because I don’t observe the effects of my parenting as my little ones grow. I’m told that the outcomes of our parenting become apparent further down the line when they are fully grown.

Despite that, I always knew I wanted to be a father. I envisioned having four sons. However, the Good Lord in His wisdom granted me just one son; the rest are girls. It has been a defining journey thus far. The rewards far outweigh the challenges, especially when celebrating milestones. And children can be a saving grace. I remember them being my anchor during COVID. If there was any reason to persevere, it was my little ones. One of them turned fifteen this past Monday. For some reason, that felt like a significant birthday. I even posted a selfie of her and me on my WhatsApp status, which I rarely do. I wanted to celebrate the young woman she is becoming and to let her know publicly that her dad is proud of her.

I felt as if I was celebrating myself and Mummy Shark as well, since she turned fifteen. It’s been a fifteen-year assignment (and counting) for us, and I wouldn’t have it any other way. This is one area where I can genuinely say I love my job, hehe. And I’m celebrating her during Father’s Day week, which makes it a double celebration. She recently drove this point home when I went to her bedroom to check on her. Some of our best conversations occur spontaneously. She dislikes serious “we need to talk” discussions. She prefers to chat casually, knowing she can join a conversation while keeping the option to leave whenever she wishes. That’s me kabisa. Many say she has her mum’s charming looks, but she definitely has her father’s tabias, as that’s how I approach conversations. I’ve become more straightforward in recent years due to coaching. We must ask intentional and directed questions, but that’s acceptable as it’s a professional engagement.

So I entered my daughter’s bedroom the day before her birthday and enjoyed a casual catch-up. Then, as I was leaving, she said the sweetest thing, “Daddy, you know tomorrow you and I will be agemates.” I couldn’t grasp what she meant, so I asked her to clarify. She cheekily replied, “Tomorrow I’ll be 15 and you’re 51, so we are agemates since we share both numbers.” I laughed and walked out, but that warmed my heart. I felt as if she were viewing her life through mine, which made me think maybe I’m doing a decent job as her dad.

At that moment, I recalled a similar occurrence with my son, though this time it involved a disagreement. He’s quite the legend, this kijana. He frequently asks me to pull over when dropping them off at school so he can finish his uji. Yes, breakfast is consumed in the car. You’d think we went through a drive-thru on the way to school. It somehow tastes better while on the move. Then, after finishing breakfast, he steps out and walks to class while combing his hair. I don’t comment much because my mum says I was also quite random like that. Again, just like his sister, the boy exhibits my traits. He sure is my son, hehe. During one of our frequent, intense discussions, he accused me of expecting him to act like me, considering I’m ‘half a century’. Yes, he said those exact words. I couldn’t believe what I had heard. I found it so amusing that our dome ended right there. Indeed, when we engage with our kids, we may not need to pay for Netflix. There’s enough free entertainment at home.

I cherish the intricate connections with my family. It often feels messy, but it’s a good mess. We even have a wall hanging to remind us. Folks, may we engage in this contact sport of parenting to the best of our abilities and with all our resources. Although the rewards lie ahead, we can still discover small joys and pleasures along the parenting journey if we allow our children the space to be free and close to us.

My prayer for my girl as she embarks on her sixteenth year is for Sir God to grant us wisdom. Wisdom to guide her towards the Lord and to the door. Yes, I want her to find her wings and soar out to make her dent in the universe.

Happy Birthday, Ma. Thank you for being the best reason I celebrate Father’s Day this week. And happy Father’s Day to all you dads out there. I celebrate you for the intentions you have and even more for the effort you invest in your totos.