New Start Ahead.

Last week, I was invited to give a talk to a group of men working in fintech to celebrate International Men’s Day. As I often do, I experienced a small, private panic that made me feel unprepared and doubt myself. I’m not sure whether it was due to imposter syndrome or that speck of self-doubt that is meant to keep me humble and learning.

A great MC pal of mine once told me that a pinch of self-doubt is good. She usually experiences it, though you can’t tell when she is on stage or on the radio. She shared her two secret keys to success on the podium and the mic. First, thorough preparation is a must. Knowing your audience and marrying that with the topic of discussion helps you stay relevant and meet their needs. Second—and this stuck with me—she self-evaluates after a performance by asking, “Have I disappointed myself?”

I feel like I was created with an internal appraisal system that gives me a score on my performance for most of what I do. I prepared well for the talk, especially after I was warned that the audience consisted of techies who would zone out quickly if I didn’t catch their attention. The pressure mounted slowly, but I soldiered on. I created a slide deck using my wildlife images that I was impressed with and rehearsed a few times, which calmed my nerves kidogo.

The day came, and it was all go. The 90 minutes flew past—a sign that it went well because time flies when you’re having a good time. The Q&A session was active, which was another confirmation of engagement. One participant even complimented me for having an original, African slide deck rather than just picking random content from the internet. He jengad (validated) me there. At this point, I could confirm that I didn’t let Lucas down. I enjoyed that conversation thoroughly. Plus, the idea of illustrating my points using my wildlife photos was a hit. Blending our talents and passions can produce a great combo. Try it, folks. It felt like I gave them a buy-one-get-one-free deal, kwanza now that we are in Black November hehe.

The conversation focused on men, influence and leadership. While preparing, I was advised that techies like models, so I chose to use the sigmoid curve to illustrate the journey of growth in leadership. It’s a model used to illustrate growth and change (as shown in the picture above). That aroused considerable interest, judging by the conversation we had at the end. The inflection point (though I was jokingly accused of not knowing calculus, hehe) drew particular attention. It is the point where a new curve is, or should be beginning, just as the current one approaches maturity. The trick is to be on the lookout for the new start that is sure to come.

Many men miss it because we get blinded by success and accumulation. We ride that wave as if it will last forever, forgetting that it is approaching the shore sooner than we’d like to imagine. Why do so many of us fight to remain on a curve that’s at maturity or even in decline? I think it’s because we can’t visualise a new curve or a life beyond the one we have perfected over time. But also, we don’t know where to start. The familiar is comfortable, so we tend to resist the unknown.

The talk included men ranging from 25 to 62 years of age, so I found the S curve ideal for them to try and discover where they are on their journey of life. It was evident that most men don’t struggle too much with starting, or, if they do, they are young (and strong) enough to handle whatever is thrown their way during the initial learning curve. But shouldn’t it get easier as we age? We are not just older, but hopefully wiser. Or does the accumulation of too much knowledge complicate things, leading to analysis paralysis?

When we are younger, decisions are made fast (and sometimes furiously), and adjustments are made on the go (as the Gen-Z is doing now). Youth requires less certainty, but as we grow older, we desire more assurances. Yet life is not like that. The unknown will remain a part of our shadow as we go through life, so we had better accept it.

I have some scary news, especially for folks in midlife: the second half of life will have more surprises than the first.

I’m currently resisting the urge to connect the dots on every situation I find myself in. Instead, I am learning the art of living in the dot by maximising every opportunity and engagement that comes my way—especially those that I feel align with my mission.

Perhaps that is how men will get the courage to jump onto a new curve when the old one is over. We may need to focus on the next two steps and not the entire staircase. I know we are planners and leaders of homes, communities and businesses, but there are times for walking alongside our people, not ahead of them. It’s okay to find the path together with those we lead and sometimes even let them lead us. Even great leaders (like the ones reading this hehe) need to be led sometimes, having faith in Sir God and acknowledging that they don’t have it all figured out.

There are many burnt-out men and women today because of the societal pressure to perform and conform. We crumble because we can’t satisfy it. Image is like an insatiable Gini that’s always demanding more blood. Once we release ourselves from the pressure of always being the well of solutions for everyone, we can then take a chance and explore a new start before we get to the point of decline and burnout.

We ended the webinar by permitting ourselves to fill our own cup first, and letting others benefit from the overflow. That takes personal leadership to achieve. My favourite description of leadership is “the deployment of self into our circumstances.” Once we can lead ourselves well, leading others well becomes the overflow.

Gents, may we slow down enough on the road of life to notice the sign pointing us to the inflection point—the new start ahead. That way, we will be able to get onto a new road before the old one ends, avoiding the crash of decline and burnout.