A Place Of Nothingness.

I have just returned from the land of royal weddings and horse racing. I have tried to fake the British accent but my deep roots from Central Kenya wouldn’t allow me. This was a trip of many firsts. It was the first time I flew Emirates. I found them better than other airlines I’ve flown before (no mentioning names here). They keep time and have more leg space especially for those of us who desperately need it. Emirates also have bigger screens on their seats which make watching movies more fun. They even give you hand lotion once you leave the loo. Once we landed at Heathrow we got a courtesy limo transfer to the hotel. Although I must admit that I was the plus one for my pal who had flown business class. If they had upgraded me I’d continue to sing their praises so let me stop here. Walipe kwanza…

This was also my first time to attend a major International Golf Championship where the top golfers in the world play. I was trying to be near the cameras on the golf course as we followed the players hoping that my pals back home would see me in the crowds as they watched the event on DStv. I would have been easy to spot as we were very few black folks there. My colleagues and I were treated like royalty. We were checked into a good hotel on full board. We got access into the VIP pavilion at Wentworth where we had front row seats to the action on the eighteenth green. This is where a round of golf ends and its usually very dramatic especially if the competitors are tied up to this point. Champagne and expensive wine was flowing freely here. You could almost wash your hands with it. BMW courtesy cars were at our disposal to use. I have never been a BMW fan but I was almost convinced to consider one in future. I’m sure my golfing brothers Mike, Davy and Chris would have given a toe for that experience.

Lastly I had a chance to visit Windsor Castle where the royal wedding had just taken place a week earlier. I visualised how that was and could still feel the power and elegance that event must have had. Yaani how does it feel being a member of that family? I wondered. People pay to enter this castle yet for Harry and his family it’s just shags. When the royal family sneezes is it perfume that comes out? I’m sure even the horses at Windsor take sparkling water with a straw when thirsty. .

I could go on and on about my experiences from this trip. Now you see why I couldn’t give you guys a story last week? I was on system overload. I consider such trips the salo for my public service jobs. Though I wouldn’t mind some pay. My bubble was burst immediately I got home and met my kids. As elated as we all were in seeing one another after a week, my daughter handed me a letter from her school bag. It was not a ‘welcome back, we missed you’ card but a letter from the school accountant reminding me to pay the school fees balance. My feeling of royalty evaporated instantly.

That sudden change of feelings made me feel two-faced. On one hand I’m having all this fully paid high class experiences that make me appear like I have arrived. On the other I’m finding myself vulnerable and struggling to cover my base sufficiently. What is the meaning of all this? Why the sharp contrast of events?

Folks do you sometimes feel like you are living more than one life at the same time? In one life you are the mkubwa yet in another you are the guy who needs the mkubwa’s help. I don’t understand the meaning of it. It’s like a mirage in the desert that shows you an oasis ahead just to keep you going. When you get to the place where you thought the oasis was, you see it again further ahead so you have to keep moving. Many of us end up living this sort of double life permanently but I want to move on from this stage. What do we call this two faced crossroads?

I got the ideal description from a devotion I read this week. I will call it the place of nothingness. Life seems to pass you by. Guys around you are fully engaged or so they appear, but you are like just a flower girl in this life and your role seems insignificant. At least in my case it was at the royal wedding hehehe…

I don’t want to put up appearances and get caught up in the exhibitionist society we live in where appearances are all that matter. From my devotion, the aim of this place of nothingness is to be still, look inward and trust that Sir God is doing a good thing in and for you. My wise sister told me when I was leaving Nairobi to just go with the flow and that’s what I did. I enjoyed more when I didn’t have to analyse everything and everyone I encountered. I’m working on talking less, hearing and observing more. That doesn’t come naturally for me. As a result I enjoyed conversations more and actually observed much more on this trip. So this thing of maintaining shalap is beneficial sometimes guys.

You know the signs that you are in a place of nothingness when many things are removed from your life and you can’t seem to change anything. This could be loss of work or you are just not progressing in some key areas of your life. When in this phase of my life I have found myself trying hard to campaign for what I want especially when the situation involves making money. A lot of these attempts haven’t bore any fruit and that has often left me frustrated. I find myself busy but without much to show for it.

The only medicine for a place of nothingness is a chill pill. Believe that the good Lord above is working out something beautiful for your life and as you wait, do what waiters do. Serve. This is easier said than done folks. But worth a try.

Mother Theresa once said: Has God brought you to a place of nothingness? Be still and know that He really is God. When this happens your nothingness will be turned into something you will value for the rest of your life.

Happy  still Madaraka day.