Value Aliveness.

This week, my thoughts are hovering against a backdrop of being alive vs not being alive (we don’t say dead, that’s a bad word hehe). Fame and fortune diminish significantly when the Grim Reaper visits. We have a saying in my mother tongue that, loosely translated, means one buries oneself when alive. That is to say, what we do to and with people in our lifetimes determines the send-off we receive.

That was vividly clear last Friday at Uncle Lewis’s funeral. The overflowing attendance and support were a testament to his impact on many people in different ways. Many people from all walks of life showed up throughout the week to support and console the family. It is the moments shared with our loved ones that we miss and remember the most. Yet, while alive, we tend to focus more on achieving and acquiring things, neglecting relationships and the impact our actions have on them.

We have fewer than 60 days to the end of this year. I have been working on being where my feet are, being present and alive in the moment as much as possible. I have missed many of life’s experiences due to worrying about one thing or another that is due or pending. Worry is such a stealer of presence. As a hyper-achiever, I struggle with this because basking in the joy of a win or achievement is uncommon for me. I celebrate in fast forward, and then worry in slow motion about the next thing. That’s no way to live, because yesterday is gone and tomorrow isn’t guaranteed. Today, and this moment right now, are all we have; we’d better make them count. Once they’re gone, they’re gone.

I came across an email from Karen Walrond titled, “I’ve forgotten how to be interesting.” Karen is the author of In Defence of Dabbling: The Brilliance of being a Total Amateur. She came up with the seven attributes of amateurism: curiosity, mindfulness, self-compassion, play, zone stretching, connection, and awe. She argues that these qualities help us stay present and measure growth by how we feel, not how much we achieve. She goes on to say that perhaps that is the real invitation of midlife: to stop measuring ourselves by mastery and start valuing aliveness.

I particularly like the idea of measuring what I do by how it makes me feel, rather than just how much I achieve. That’s my photography journey. I truly delight in being out in wild, open spaces, taking photos of animals and landscapes. Going on a photo safari is payment enough for me. Nature is like paracetamol, bringing down the high fever of life. I do get some good shots while out there, as it’s difficult not to do well in something you love. But I’ve been feeling like I’m wasting talent. Why? Because I’m not selling my pictures as much as I believe I should.

Since the algorithm doesn’t sleep, it tapped into my mind, and now I’m getting invites from Instagram to do short courses on growing my following. I’m tempted, but I wonder if making influence my primary goal will overshadow my enjoyment of photographing nature. Money is good, and it’s even sweeter when it comes from our passions and talents. But chasing it hard can easily steal the joy of the moment.

Reminds me of a halftime client who was trying to unlock her talent and do what she loves. After a few coaching sessions, she realised that she wants to do what she’s gifted in without it being driven by money goals or treated as a business. Once she tries it as a business, then it starts feeling like work and not joy. We established that perhaps she should continue unleashing her magic to the universe, driven by passion and joy first, and the money will find a way to trickle in. So, passion comes first, followed by the pennies.

Of course, I want more followers on social media, but if that remains my focus, I risk diluting the value I provide. Perhaps there are times we just need to let our light shine, and the value will come to us instead of chasing value constantly. The light shines brightest when we are alive, and that attracts those who need us—our tribe.

Valuing aliveness may also be the antidote for career death. Oyunga Pala recently wrote a profound article titled, “The Unseen Grief of Career Death.” He observes, “The corporate man doesn’t just lose his career. The loss extends beyond a paycheck. It is a combination of so many other things. Relationships, access, the activity, the busyness that gave our lives a sense of importance and loss of a secure future. The physical death in comparison seems to be a kinder prospect.”

That last line is scary: even physical death can seem like an easier option compared to dealing with a transition from being a “who’s who” to a “who’s he.”

Could it be that when we are on the fast and furious career or business lane, we become so absorbed in it that we forget how it feels to be alive and present? Meeting targets and deadlines becomes our sole motivation, giving us a sense of aliveness that feels solid but is, in reality, thin ice. When that is suddenly stripped away, we are like a deer in the headlights. We struggle to cope once our titles and image are gone, as we cannot separate “just us” from the professional brand of our previous accomplishments.

That’s a harsh reality. Getting out of it feels like climbing up from a deep, dark hole with slippery sides. It is possible, but it takes a lot of work, which is why so many of us prefer to live in denial or tragically exit life.

As a transition coach, I can help you get through the messy middle and arrive at a life you never thought existed—one of deep meaning and significance that’s free of the pressure of the rat race as we have come to know it.

If you are at the top of your game workwise, that’s good, and I encourage you to give it your best shot. But remember, that too shall pass. It’s important to do regular check-ins with yourself and imagine the life you would want once you exit your current stage. That awareness (and silent preparation) of the future will give a smoother landing because you will be alive to yourself and your circumstances, thereby making career death or the end of one season less tragic.