Don’t Stall.

My dad would have been 75 this week. April 25^th to be exact. It’s almost two years since he departed. I will celebrate him next week. I miss him dearly and the awkwardness of his absence still lingers. My aunt passed on last week and this has taken us back to 2021 when Dad left us. I was told by many to fit in his shoes and though we wore the same size I still feel like he was a size 14 and I remain a size 10.

Recently my sister and I decided to revive his pick-up truck as it hasn’t moved in a long time. Reviving it for me will symbolise that Dad’s legacy still drives on. I was surprised to find weeds growing around the tyres of his Nissan double cab. That felt bad and I somehow sensed his disapproval. So we are getting his car back on the road again and keeping it in good condition going forward.

This reminded me of the seasons of life we inevitably go through. When we stall we start getting stale. My Mzee’s car will require more work the longer it remains stationary. Cars just like people were made to be mobile and active. Transitions are inevitable. They are a requirement for graduation to earn the degree that is life. Sadly many of us struggle and what was supposed to be a new beginning becomes a long ending because we get stuck and wither away slowly.

Folks when most of our proud achievements are in the past then we should be afraid. Be very afraid for we are slowly shutting down.  Of course, we should remember our past successes with pride but that should push us to do more and better. Overstaying your welcome in a season of life is like refusing to go home when the bash is over. It’s like me not keeping my dad’s car moving waiting for him to come back and use it. Talk of remaining in the past.

A life today that’s living in yesterday is like moving in reverse. Sadly many people are stuck there. We call them sweet memories but overstaying your welcome in an ended season can quickly turn into a bitter reality. Some seasons are unpleasant and we long to end them. Others are exciting and we don’t want to leave. Either way when the time comes to leave do yourself a favour and pack up and go.

Just like my Mzee’s car, we start shutting down when we don’t transition. Then when we decide to get mobile again we will have to fix things that weren’t initially broken. The longer we remain stuck somewhere the more effort (and even money) it will take to get jumpstarted. Bad habits and mindsets start creeping up on us like weeds and before long we are choked to the core and we can’t disentangle.

I admire folks who engage fully in a matter and season but remain not too attached at the same time. Maybe it’s a personality thing but whatever the case those are approaches worth cultivating in life. I saw a post from Lon Stroschein that gives us a choice between extending our past or building our legacy. I’m glad I chose the latter and life is unfolding beautifully despite the turbulence.

Last year I visited our national museum. It was a walk down memory lane. To qualify to be a resident of the museum you need to have been in the past for the current and future generations to see and learn from you. Some people are human museums or archives. We reminisce past exploits and hence miss present opportunities. History is sweet but it can leave you extinct. May we not be human museums representing the past. Instead, may we represent the exciting though uncertain future ahead.

A common reason we struggle to move on is that we fear change. I couldn’t imagine life without Dad so maybe I buried my head in the sand on some matters hoping it was a long bad dream or that someone else will deal with Mzee’s manenos. Willam Bridges alludes to this in his book, – Transitions, “ The best way to counter this fear of change is to let the new pull you away from the old. Focus on future benefit rather than past comforts”.

I like that last part. So what are the future benefits of doing life without my buddy, Dad? the pain and missment make it hard to see any but Henry Moore almost speaks on behalf of my father when he says, “ The secret of life is to have a task, something you devote your entire life to, something you bring everything to, every minute of the day for your whole life.”

And that is how I want to honour my father on his birthday week. He lived that way so what better legacy for me than to live like him? After all, I’m called by his name. Happy birthday my guy. You still speak more in your absence.