The Scar Is The Star.

I have two more Fridays of writing here before I exit the fourth floor. I’m at the lift lobby and I can see it’s almost here to take me to the floor above. My 40s have been nothing short of character development. I can relate it to those deep excavations I see in my hood. They go deep and almost seem to threaten surrounding structures. But that’s what is required for a multi-story building to stand firm and for long. And the same applies to a good long life I believe.

That’s similar to the halftime process. It’s more of archaeology than architecture. Just like the architectural masterpieces that come up, we admire them but hardly think of the foundation underground that’s holding them up. I am glad I have gone through that foundational process. Now, the architectural masterpiece will emerge more in my 50s because of the deep archaeology of self-reflection and internal work. I think I will be one purposeful mubaba hehe.

I closed my event business 5 years ago and carried that as a chip on my shoulder because I didn’t want it to end that way. The plan was to hand it over to a better and more energetic replacement to scale it as I sit on the board and offer guidance. After a few failed attempts it was obvious that I needed to shut it down if only to save our reputation as we had started slackening in our work. It wasn’t a happy ending. .

For several years in my 40s I have felt a kind of shame. Like how could a business I started and run so well for many years just shut down? Covid helped in this case and I have hidden behind it sometimes as the reason we closed shop. I knew I needed to exit my business and was looking forward to it. But closing it was not part of the plan. That’s the shame I have carried for some time. I should have done better.

Once I got into my current season of coaching, I encountered a client who changed my view unknowingly. They finally helped me turn that scar into a star. After sharing a bit of my story with them in our chemistry session, they remarked that they had chosen the right coach. I was surprised and asked how so. They said that what appeared as a failure and sad ending of a good business journey was what had now qualified me to be a good coach for them and others.

I can now help someone transition into a new season of their life whether they are leaving their previous season with feelings of pride or shame. It won’t matter because the focus will be on how to use what they have learnt and experienced as fuel to drive them into the next phase. Remember we can only connect the dots backwards. So now I’m officially happy for my failures. Through them, I have earned the credentials to help someone through their transitions. Sounds strange eh.. but true. What failures do you need to take advantage of folks? Failing alone is bad but failing forward is better. May we not waste a good failure by not picking up the lessons therein.

Sunny Bindra emphasized this point well in his article in last Sunday’s Nation gazeti.  He encouraged us to use the next tough patch we encounter as a catalyst for innovation. Challenges and obstacles will cross our paths, guaranteed. What matters is how we react to them. Sunny mentions the mantra “use the difficulty” referring to using the hardships we face to our advantage.

I particularly liked the example he gave on the use of WD-40, the household degreaser we often use to smoothen joints or screws hardened by rust. WD40 stands for water displacement, 40^th formula. It was the founder’s 40^th attempt at finding the right formula. Imagine trying something 40 times until it works. Few hang around that long doing the same thing. So should one quit after the 40^th attempt? I wonder.

As I look back at my past decade I can’t say I had a formula, just a desire to find and live a life that will impact many people positively, use my gifts and abilities to make this country and continent a better place, have fun and get paid while at it. Well, most of the past ten years have been crafting that life and though I’m not yet there I’m glad the far Sir God has brought me. The scar that I once found a mzigo (burden) has slowly turned into a catalyst for living the life I desire. A great life is created intentionally, folks, using the good bad and ugly that’s thrown at us.

The creating part is mostly the difficult part because it entails the digging. Here the internal heavy lifting happens and just like the mjengo foundation underground that can’t be seen, we can’t stand for long if our core is wobbly and unclear.

COVID was a scar for the entire human race but looking back it is just what some people needed to turn their lives around. There are people I meet now who thank God for COVID-19 because it tossed that awful coin they considered their life to the other side and lo and behold, a whole new and exciting life emerged that they never thought possible. I hope it doesn’t take another pandemic for some of us to begin shining.

Folks, are some of us hiding a scar of one kind or another because of shame or some other reason and wondering why our lives are stuck? Maybe that shame is the super glue sticking us to our scars. A mind shift is required here. As Sunny says may those roadblocks in our lives turn into signposts to a new path.

It’s been a furious decade but a worthwhile one for me and I hope for my fellow agemates.