Lucas Marang'a

A man at 40

No Plan.

Corona has rendered many people jobless and idle. Suddenly we have so much time on our hands. The days feel like they have now moved from 24 hours to 56-hour days. There is no difference between Sunday and Wednesday. It’s night time then it’s day time and the cycle continues.  On the 14th of this month fuel pump prices rose sharply. It was the biggest increase in thirteen years. That’s a shocker but it didn’t feel that way for me because i hardly use my car.  It’s just accumulating dust until I decide to clean it and maybe drive to the shops nearby just to feel like I’ve gone somewhere and come back home. Clearly, I still have hang-ups for life as it was pre-corona. That said I do sympathize with folks in the transport sector. High fuel prices yet they are carrying half the passenger load. That math doesn’t add up at all. Poleni sana.

Before the world was invaded by corona life was on the fast lane for most of humanity. Our homes were like lodgings. We just went to sleep there at night then left early in the morning. Now our homes are both our current and live locations on google maps. We are no longer working from home. We are living at work.

But how’s the situation for guys who are not busy? guys who wake up in the morning and their in- tray is empty. They are just at home yet everyone around them is busy on their laptop. That’s the zone I have found myself in lately. There’s a ka new pressure that’s been caused by two factors in my opinion.

Firstly, this season has put most of us on over drive to self-improve. We have participated in numerous zoom calls and webinars over that last three months or so. There’s such a large variety of webinars to choose from because we have all moved our businesses online. This week I’ve experienced the feeling we had in high school during exams. I’d finish my exam before time and look around to see my school mates deep in writing and calculations. It was made worse when some of them asked for extra papers from the invigilators to write more stuff yet I had a few blank sheets to donate. Man, this 8-4-4 system of education was pressure reloaded. I’m glad they’re doing away with it.

I still miss the hotel version of webinars. We had numerous tea and samosa breaks with a sumptuous lunch in the middle of the day. We would then struggle to keep awake in the afternoon sessions when niggeritis kicked in. The Tropical and Eclair sweets helped the situation slightly. Current webinars have nothing of the sort. It’s just BYOB (bring your own bitings) workshops and meetings. I hope the new normal will retain some of the old mannerisms we liked he he.

The second cause of pressure is the pause mode that corona has forced us into. sometimes I feel like we are jogging on the spot. Life has frozen like a face on a zoom call when the internet connection  has suddenly dropped. Even as I have used this season to work on project Lucas, I’m still hoping for it to end soon. I have a mental deadline when all the personal upgrades will be put to use and benefit me and others. But there are no signs of that deadline getting closer. The future can appear like a dead end especially if we cave in to the doom and gloom all around us. Lets ring fence our minds and hearts from giving up. Do it whatever way you can folks. Otherwise we will sink.

Last year I wrote about the transition season of our lives being a place of nothingness. Now corona has made it mandatory for the human race to experience a place of nothingness irrespective of our stage in life. So, what should we do when we have no immediate plan or task to carry out right now?

I’m hesitant to sign up for another online course or webinar just to appear busy and focused. That would be the online version of keeping up with the Jonses. The more I stay in this zone the more I realize that the pressure is coming from being task oriented driven mainly by the fear of poverty. Then add that I’m a guy and supposed to have a plan all the time for me and my clan. I now understand when our president said in frustration, “mnataka nifanye nini?’’ when Kenyans were demanding he does something about the growing corruption. He is our leader so we expect him to have a plan all the time and about everything yes?

Folks maybe part of being human is not having a plan sometimes. Some of the best plans and discoveries have been born from a place of nothingness. Maybe we just need to pause, let nature, the universe or the still small voice within have their turn to speak. I’m waking up blank and trying to keep the pressure to perform from getting to me. My youngest baby shark has started demanding that I seat with her at meal times and watching cartoons. She even wants to go a for a walk with me in the morning and play too. Maybe she’s sensing my internal tension and wants to help daddy. She’s a good distraction I must admit. I have decided that I will be busy giving in to her cute demands for now. Besides she validates me.

Maybe its break time from all the corona induced activities folks. Should you get there just accept it and chill kidogo. Let’s trust the process even when we don’t understand it fully. Take a break.

 

 

 

Friday, July 24, 2020 | Musings |

5 thoughts on “No Plan.”

  1. Esther Ouma says:

    I thought I was all alone. I feel so unproductive and under pressure to ‘create something .’ Even our Bible study which we now do on Zoom lacks the life of physical fellowship. The few who show up are mostly quiet. We used to extend beyond time but now it ends so early because we don’t have much to say.

    It’s truly humbling to be in this place and not have a plan. But each day I am alive, I remember then God must STILL have a plan for my life. Even if I don’t have one.

    1. Wamuyu Kambo says:

      You are describing me and yes I agree the almighty has a plan.

  2. Wamuyu Kambo says:

    Lucas, kumbe tuko wengi. Thank you for capturing the season so well. It feels nice to have company.

  3. Sam says:

    Hehehehe, samosas and weight gain was the problem then!!!

  4. Mike Eldon says:

    Well done for another fine introspection, Lucas. What a testing time this is, and how well you describe what you are going through. Great sympathy, and know that one of these days great new opportunities will emerge for wonderful spirits like you.

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